Overcoming The Constant Struggle

In my previous blog (before it’s gone with all the post in it), most of my posts are about my struggle with mental health condition of bipolar disorder. Well, it’s a new blog, and it’s time to stop those struggle post again. Instead, it’s time to embrace my new self, my healthier and better self. So today I will tell you guys what’s changed in the past year or so.

It’s all started last year, in November 2017, when I collapsed into a huge episode. I become really emotional and unstable in public places, and everything seems so fall apart. All I can think of in that moment is just to kill myself, but there’s so many people around me trying to stop me. I ran into the streets, hoping to get struck by a car, only to get myself lying down in the street with no energy to do anything.

A few moments later, I’m in my house and I feel so helpless. There’s a huge sadness inside of me, but most of it was anger. I’m angry at myself for being so weak. I managed to get through the night by sleeping, because I’m so tired after what happened.

The next day, my dad introduced me to a new psychiatrist, Dr. Hariwibowo. Feeling hopeless and don’t know what to do, I choose to follow my dad advice and made an appointment to Dr. Hari.

It’s not an overnight success, since I still feel unstable in the early days after consulting with him and taking his medication, which is quite in a high dose considering my condition. But after a few weeks, I started to feel better.

Thanks God for the perfect timing, because a month after my first visit to Dr. Hari, I went to Europe with my sister, in a trip we’ve scheduled from months before. This turned out to be the second turning point, for it opened my mind to the beauty of the world and it taught me to feel grateful in every situation. The trip is not a smooth sailing, there are problems along the trip, but I handled it well, thanks to the medicine and the new mindset.

After I went home, I decided to take a few months off from my design job, and focus on my coffee shop. Most of my time is spent chilling on coffee shops, and I feel like I need times like these to discover myself.

Four months later, in April, I started to get myself busy again by opening a new branch of Coffeelogue. It’s really an energy and mental consuming, but again, thanks to my new medicine and new mindset, it’s all going well.

It’s July now and I feel healthier than ever. My mental health condition is stable, and my mood is good. I’ve also decided to restart my web design agency and I’ve already got a few clients to work with. It’s all so exciting.

I’m still taking medicines every day and night, and it helps a lot. If things are going as planned, my medicine doses will be reduced soon. But what mattered most, even more than medicine, is the support from everyone around me. My family, my girlfriend, and all my friends. So my tip for everyone who’s struggling with their mental health condition is not to underestimate your condition. Seek professional help, and most importantly, spread love to everyone around you. Because if you do so, you’ll be loved and you’ll be glad you do.


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